Here, we have the first book and possibly one of the most KASU-tastic of them all in comparison with later books.
Italics are excerpts, they don't belong to me at all. In fact, they go right back to Mistress KAA and the crew at Scholastic.
What's a KASU? A Katherine Applegate Screw-Up. There's an official list out there somewhere, but whatever. We'll just make fun of it here.
Title: The Invasion. Title is very much related.
Cover Quote: Some people never change. Some do...
Cover Morph: Green anole lizard.
This was the first one and therefore, the cover morph just looks... wrong. I'm not gonna lie, this was like the fourth book I read. I read the series inside-out. When I picked them up, the fourth book was the latest. I read that, the second one, the third one, and then the first.
Anyway. Dude's name is Jake. He can't tell you anything, because that'd be dangerous, but he's definitely writing this all down so people will learn the truth that he can't tell them. He has a best friend named Marco, a Sega Genesis (make a Sega CD, he never says) and a big basketball legend brother named Tom.
Marco and Jake are out playing video games by a comic shop after Jake failed at basketball. They are approached by Tobias, the Socially Awkward Reject that Jake saved from Eminent Swirlie, and this exchange happens that makes me so happy:
"What's up?" Tobias asked.
I shrugged. "Not much. We're heading home."
"Out of quarters," Marco commented. "Certain people keep forgetting that the SleazeTroll shows up right after you cross the Nether Fjord. So certain people keep losing the game - and losing our quarter." Marco kept jerking his thumb at me, just in case Tobias couldn't figure out who he meant by "certain people."
"So, like maybe I'll walk home with you guys," Tobias said.
I said sure. Why not?
Goddamnit Jake, you should not have said yes. This is Mistake #1.
A few minutes later, they run into Jake's Eventually Psychotic Cousin Rachel and his crush that has a case of Jessi Syndrome (she's black? REALLY?), Cassie. Cassie's all sweet and kind and passive while Rachel sort of attacks people. It's okay. That's how they ~roll~.
They're going through an abandoned construction site, by the by. They're some smart thirteen-year-olds.
"Are you going to come and protect us, you big, strong m-a-a-a-n?" she said. "You think we're helpless just because - "
"I'd appreciate it if they did walk with us," Cassie interrupted. "I know you're not afraid of anything, Rachel, but I guess I am."
Rachel couldn't say much about that. That's the way Cassie is - she always has the right words to stop any argument without making anyone feel bad.
This is both the first and one of the last examples of Cassie not being a sanctimonious bitch. I'll keep a tally of Books Where Cassie Is Nice. We are at one. So, anyway, the merry fivesome go wandering through the construction site and find out that hey, Tobias is both creepy and the most observant of the bunch. He notices the flying saucer coming to kill them-- or whatever. The ship is supposed to be cute with a Violent Death Tail.
Turns out it's holding a dying Andalite Prince. Elfangor. You asshole.
My first reaction was that someone had cloned a person and a deer together. The creature had a head and shoulders and arms that were more or less where they should have been, though the skin was a pale shade of blue...
...For a start, he had no mouth, just three vertical slits. And then there were his eyes. Two of them were where they should have been, although they were a glittery green color that was kind of shocking. But the real shock was the other eyes. He had what seemed like horns, only on the top of each horn was an eye. The horns could move, twisting to point the eyes front and back or up and down.
I thought the eyes were bad, until I saw the tail. It was like a scorpion's tail, thick and powerful-looking. On the end was a wickedly curved, very sharp-looking horn or stinger.
So. Yeah. He introduces them to the evil that are the Yeerks. Slug-like creatures that hop in through your ear and take over your bodily functions. You are functionally relegated to a corner of your brain until you de-Yeerk. Jake hops in to get the blue box that transforms them into Animorphs and sees a picture of Elfangor's family that is, as of right now, relatively unexplained. I'll address this around book 23.
They get the power to morph just in time to watch Elfangor get eaten by the only Andalite Controller (person+Yeerk), Visser Three. He's a dick.
You can only stay in a morph for two hours at a time, btw. This is important.
ALIEN ALERT: The Hork-Bajir. Aliens with the best name ever, they are like eight billion feet tall. Talons and beaks. They have hook-like-death-projections at each joint and on their foreheads.
The Taxxons. Squishy centipedes. Awesome sense of smell. Poke them, they explode.
Anyway. Our intrepid explorers escape and Jake tries to convince himself it was all a dream. Until Tobias shows up, all jazz-hands and HEY I CAN TURN INTO A CAT. So he does.
And we get our first major KASU.
I am talking to a cat! I realized. And I thought Tobias was crazy? I wondered if Tobias had heard my thought. I concentrated. Tobias, can you hear me?
[[Yeah,]] he said. [[I hear you.]]
"Did you hear my thoughts before that?" I asked.
[[No. I don't think it works that way. You have to think at me for me to hear.]]
This never happens again in any other book. It is, in fact, directly contradicted multiple times.
Anyway. They drag in Homer, the poor golden retriever, and Jake "acquires" him by petting him a lot. WHOO. Jake becomes Homer and we have KASU #2-- he has Homer's memories and is neutered. Save, when you 'acquire' an animal, you acquire their DNA. You can't neuter DNA. This also never happens again.
It's okay. I love Jake in dog morph. He's HAPPY. All the time. FUCKINGHAPPYDOGSALLTHETIMEOMGGGGG. The dog is like a raver on X 24/7. HAPPY. KA Applegate loves the capslock. HAPPY.
EXTRA HAPPY.
Anyway.
They head to Cassie's farm, where Cassie proves she is better than all of them and morphs a horse. Slowly. With clothing. Oh, did I fail to mention that? You don't get to keep anything not-skin tight when you morph. So, unless you morph a leotard, you get to de-morph all kinds of naked.
Cops show up to talk to these teens on a farm about some fireworks out on a construction site in town. This... this is logical. Or something. Jake and Marco head back to Jake's house after arguing and decide to play Dead Zone. They play for awhile, Tom joins them, and proceeds to be FUCKING OBVIOUS. He talks alllll about how people are claiming to see flying saucers in the construction site. It's not like there was a major battle or anything in the MIDDLE OF FUCKING TOWN.
Really obvious.
Marco puts things together: Tom is +1. He is a Controller. A really poorly-hidden Controller. Jake attempts to fist his face in retaliation, Marco is necessarily pissy. Tobias shows up in red-tailed hawk form and, in a brilliant piece of foreshadowing, Jake reminds him: never stay in morph more than two hours.
Tobias is all naked on Jake's bed. HELL YEAH. Er. Wait. He's thirteen. EW.
(I had a crush on Christopher Ralph from the TV show for awhile. Shut up. He was like thirty)
Tobias again appears to have gotten some memories from DNA. Goddamnit, KA.
We learn about the Yeerk Pool: a place the Yeerks go to absorb Kandrona rays. It's like Yeerk Buffet. But they have to leave their hosts in order to do this, so... it's.. kind of like a free-for-all.
Jake later asks Tom about the Sharing. Co-ed Boy Scouts they are not-- Real Tom manages to evade Yeerk Tom for long enough to give Jake a Very Warning Stare. Jake realizes Marco was right and he, Jake, is an asshole for punching him.
Fuck.
Anyway. This is where things go downhill and they decide to go find the Yeerk pool! Jake turns into a lizard, gets his tail stepped on and ripped of, eats a spider, and then, THEN finds out where the Yeerk pool is.
In a janitor's closet.
Stay classy, Yeerks. Stay classy.
WHOO. First, though. They've gotta go to the zoo. And gets them some of the DNA of "mother nature's toughest creatures" or something-- all of the earth is uniting to fight! Go Cassie! BE PRETENTIOUS.
Whatever. I love it.
"Oh, I'm sure we could talk them into letting us in for nothing," Marco said. "Just tell them we're Animorphs."
"Tell them we're what?" Rachel asked.
"Idiot teenagers with a death wish," Marco said.
"Animorphs." I tried the word out. It sounded okay.
So, they go touch some creatures illegally. Marco gets the gorilla because he wants to be a big hairy man, and then security comes and forces them toward their personality trait morphs. Jake gets the tiger after ending up in the tiger habitat with Marco. Rachel is an elephant, Cassie is.. well, a horse. Rachel, Cassie, and Tobias ended up with a few other morphs that are never really mentioned after this.
Unfortunately, Cassie goes missing after this. She gets jacked by the Controllers and our trusty Animorphing friends find this out the hard way-- by following her toward the closet.
GUYS. DON'T DRINK THE KOOL-AID. DON'T GO INTO THE CLOSET.
Marco! YOU of all people should know better than that.
Anyway. Closet, Yeerk pool. Whee. They head downstairs and realize that hey, for thirteen-year-olds, they are way the hell in over their heads and they have to grow up rightthefucknow. They don't get a choice. The Yeerks are everywhere. The pool is pretty much its own functional city. They even find out that some Controllers? Some of them are very much voluntary. They like this.
Everyone? EW.
They morph and start attacking some dudes to save Cassie. Because. Well. People might notice that she went missing? Anyway. Visser Three is here and dude, is he fooled. This is possibly my favorite plot point and crucial to the Animorphs keeping their identities on the down-low.
[[This Taxxon fool says you are wild animals,]] Visser Three said. [[He wants to know if he and his brothers can eat you.]] He laughed silently. [[But I know you are not animals. I know who and what you are. So. Not all of you Andalites died when I burned your ship.]]
Of course. Anyway. He morphs. Tries to kill them. There is screaming and scrabbling and they all nearly die-- but.
Tobias. They can't find Tobias. And once they get out, Tobias instead finds Jake, hours and hours later and very gently points out that he's screwed and this book ends on a rather depressing note:
"Just come on, back to human now, dude. No more flying tonight."
[[I hid in the cavern for a while,]] he said. [[They didn't see me. But I had to stay out of sight till I could get out. Jake . . . it took too long. Too long. More than two hours.]]
I just stared at him. At his laser-focus eyes, at his wicked beak and sharp talons. And at his wings. At the broad, powerful wings that let him fly.
[[I guess this is me from now on,]] Tobias said.
I knew there were tears falling down my cheeks, but I didn't care anymore.
Well. Fuck.
The next book is less depressing. Sort of.
----
Best Ambiguously Gay Duo: We're at 1/1 for Marco and Jake. There are so many awkward scenes. It's very bromantic.
Foreshadowing?: Beat me with a stick, how many of y'all called Tobias getting stuck in morph from page fifty?
All in all, this book is one of my favorites. It's a bit simplistic, but it's so much fun, before we end up way too far into the Ghost-Written Sanctimonious Bitch Cassie, Rage-o-hol Rachel, and Emohawk the Wonderkid.
Which. I still loved.
